Relationships

Communicating With Guys: Part 1

“Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.” ~Unknown

One of the biggest things we look for, in life, is value. We want people to love and accept us. We want them to treat us with respect and care.

Last week, we talked about texting guys. I choose not to text them one-on-one because I care about my relationships and set up certain boundaries in order to make those relationships the best they can be.

So, what do I do? If I don’t message guys, how do I stay in contact with them? Though I will be covering this briefly, the purpose of today’s article is to answer the question, “How can we, as young women, have healthy communication with guys?”

It all goes back to the concept of worth and value. God created each and every one of us. He created you with your own unique twist, he created your parents and family members, and guess what! He created all your guy friends.

The young men in our lives have intrinsic value apart from us and anything we can give them. 

That means we need to be treating each other with love and respect. And, that, my friend, is the key behind healthy communication.

In part 1 of “Communicating with Guys”, we’re going to look at 3 out of 5 tips for communicating with guys. These tips can be represented by the acrostic WORTH. Let’s take a look!

1. What’s the Point?

Asking yourself this question is a must. Some conversations are simply made of small talk; a way to pass the time. However, when more substantial conversations come along, it’s crucial to ask yourself what the motive or point of the conversation is. Ask yourself…

Am I hinting at bolder/badder conversation?

Is it wise for me to share deep/intimate details with this guy?

Am I drawing this guy closer or further away from God?

Are my emotions driving my words?

Am I letting myself become attached to this guy in an unhealthy way?

These questions will help you evaluate why you’re interested in communicating with certain guys and whether or not the relationship is keeping you focused on Christ.

2. Open Accountability

As you all now know, one of my boundaries is choosing not to text guys one-on-one. There are some guys who simply don’t get it and will continue to try and message me. However, in spite of that, I made the decision ahead of time not to give in and start a habit of messaging back.

Even though I don’t text guys one-on-one, I still want to keep in touch with my friends! Something that works well for me is group messages.

One of the big reasons one-on-one texting can lead to disaster is because it causes our conversations to be secluded and secret. By making a group chat that has a couple more people, we’re able to talk and stay in contact without the secrecy.

This is also great for in-person communication. When spending time with a guy, try to hang out in group settings (even if you’re the only two talking somewhere, it’s a good idea to be in environment where you aren’t completely secluded).

When we are intentional in having accountability, there’s a bigger possibility we will pay more attention to the way we communicate.

3. Respect Boundaries

Everyone has their own set of boundaries. They are essential for any good relationship. When guys challenge you and try to get you to let down your guard (I assure you, there will be certain guys who do this), stand firm! I’ve met girls who say they want guys to respect them, but then they let go of all their boundaries the moment a guy asks.

If you want guys to respect you, ground yourself in Christ and hold up your boundaries. 

Be sure to flip it around and respect the boundaries of your guy friends. If they’ve been convicted of something and choose not to do certain things, don’t pressure them to let those go. Respect for boundaries shows that you care and respect them, as a brother in Christ.

You can have solid and healthy communication with guys!

Next week, we will be going through tips 4 and 5. You won’t want to miss it!

Challenge: Take a look at your boundaries. Do they need to be adjusted? Are you having trouble standing firm in them? Maybe you don’t have any boundaries at all. I encourage you to write out at least 3 boundaries you want to set up or re-enforce in your friendships with guys.

What are some things you do to have healthy communication with guys? Tell me in the comments below!