Relationships Womanhood

Texting Guys: My Take on It

Guys. They’re all around us. We talk to them, hang out with them, and form friendships with them.

Just this year, I’ve formed several friendships, whether they were from camp, church, school, or sports. I have some amazing guy friends whom I love to talk to and stay in contact with, which brings me to the topic of today’s article.

At one time or another, nearly all of my guy friends have private messaged me.

Many girls wouldn’t think twice about that. After all, it’s completely normal to text each other and see what’s up. Most girls would simply respond and join in the conversation. And, that’s fine.

We’re not going to talk about whether texting guys is right or wrong.

To be honest, I’ve had countless young men ask me why I don’t text one-on-one. I’ve given them all short answers, which tend to go something like this.

Guy: So, why don’t you text guys?

Me: It’s just a personal boundary I’ve set up. It helps me keep my friendships with guys healthy and uplifting.

Guy: Oh, okay. Makes sense, I guess.

Though that’s worked okay, so far, I figure it’s time to go a bit more in depth on why I set up that boundary.

Texting Guys: My Take on It

Specifically to the guys: If you’re a guy who has messaged me, you did nothing wrong. My personal boundaries aren’t directed against you in any way. So, don’t worry, you’re not the only one I’ve had to have the above conversation with.

There is one main reason I choose not to text guys one-on-one.

I want our friendships to be God-honoring and healthy.

That’s it. That’s why I have boundaries. Does texting prevent that? Not entirely. However, it does play a part.

Texting opens 2 doors that can lead to heartbreak and/or trouble.
1. It encourages emotional attachment.

I get it. Sometimes, we, as young women, long for a guy to just be there. Even though we might have girlfriends we can talk with, there’s something different about having a young man to pour our heart out to.

The problem with that is that we form an emotional attachment to someone who isn’t our boyfriend or husband. Imagine the moment you or your guy friend enters a serious, romantic relationship.

If you two already have an emotional and intimate relationship, it’s going to be extremely hard to give that up. Someone is bound to get hurt.

Not only that, but it’s not uncommon for one person to develop unreturned feelings for the other person. Messing around with each others emotions won’t make for a happy ending.

While it’s crucial to pay attention to these things in person, it’s even more crucial to watch for it in texting. Why?

Most everyone knows that it’s easier to open up and share deep things through messaging. 

I’ve had guys message me to check up on how I’m doing or ask if I’m doing okay. Personally, it means a lot to me when someone cares enough to make sure I’m alright.

However, I have to watch myself. Even if I’m going through something hard, I have to stop and ask myself if it would be wise for me get deep and/or emotional with a guy.

Though there are definitely ways to share what’s going on or open up about certain things in a good way, choosing not to message guys one-on-one has made it to where I don’t have to worry about forming unhealthy emotional and intimate attachments with them.

2. It allows us to be ‘bolder and badder’ in conversation.

Face it. It’s not hard to talk about things over text that we’d never actually say in person. Hiding behind a screen makes it easier than ever to allow our conversation to take a turn for the worst.

What might seem fun and innocent, in the moment, won’t be as enjoyable when it leads to trouble.

As Christians, our conversation is meant to be God-honoring. By playing footsie with the temptation to text things we shouldn’t, it opens the door to bigger compromises, such as…

  • Deep and Intimate Converstaion
  • Sexual and Inappropriate Conversation
  • Cyber Bullying
  • Sexting

 

I made the personal decision not to text guys one-on-one.

I’m not saying you have to do the same. I’m not saying all girl/guy texting conversations will lead to serious trouble or heartbreak.

I don’t set up boundaries because I think my guy friends are bad or careless or terrible.

I set up boundaries because I care about my relationships. 

In my experience, I’ve seen too many people (including friends), get hurt from getting too attached to guys through text/private messaging.

I want my friendships to be as healthy and God-honoring as possible. I’m not perfect. I’m not a relationship expert. I have problems and struggles, just like you.

However, I’ve found that setting up certain boundaries have helped me, personally, keep my guy friendships on the right track.

To the guys: There you have it! Now you know why I don’t text you one-on-one. I care about our friendship and I care about you!

To the girls: If you were ever wondering why I’ve chosen not to text guys, now you know. I hope you were encouraged to be intentional in your own friendships!

Coming Next Week: What’s a girl to do when she wants to stay in contact with a guy, but doesn’t text or private message him?

Come back for 5 tips on communicating with guys in an uplifting god-honoring way!