Relationships Struggles

How to be “Just Friends” With Guys

“Your intentionality will help set up you and your guy friends for friendship success.” (Love Defined page 146).

We’re finally here, girls. Because the topic of guy friends is a big one for many young women, we’re going to focus only on chapter 10 today.

This chapter would have to be one of my top favorites. It’s primary focus is how we can have God-honoring friendships with the guys around.

Face it. Being “just friends” with guys is beyond difficult.

One minute, he’s being friendly and fun to be around. The next minute, he acts as though he doesn’t know you.

Then there are times when your guy friend confesses his feelings for you, while you’re interested in being “just friends”.

How about when your best friend just happens to be a guy? You’re with each other all the time. You share deep conversations. You get emotionally attached. How can you handle such a close relationship in a Christ-honoring way?

I’ve been in a couple of those situations myself and, let me tell you, it’s not easy. 

How can we be “just friends” with a guy without hurting him? Is it even possible? How can we have safe friendships with guys?

Let’s dive right into chapter 10 of Love Defined.

I love what Bethany brings up on page 141. While she was at a Christian conference on dating and relationships, she wrote down a question.

Is it even possible to be just friends with guys?

During the Q&A time, her question was chosen. The two bits of advice given were simple, yet eye-opening.

1. Don’t make your guy friendships all about the two of you. Do your best to keep your friendships focused on group settings. Work hard to incorporate others into the relationship.

2. Don’t make the relationship deeply emotional and feelings oriented. Try not to share deeply from the heart in ways that would draw you two together in an unhealthy and emotional way. Save the emotional stuff for your girlfriends.

Wow. Those two bits of advice could go a long way, if we put them into action.

Later, Kristen and Bethany present, what they call, “the guy friend filter”. To start, pick any one of your guy friends. Have them? Okay, now, put that friendship through this filter. Be honest.

1. How much time do I spend with him? 
2. Are we getting emotional?
3. What do we talk about?
4. Is he a godly friend for me?
5. How physical is our friendship?

Guy friendships can be beautiful if we’re intentionally seeking God. 

To go more in-depth with this filter and find out the best questions to ask yourself, read pages 144-145 of chapter 10.

Key Scripture Verses

1 Corinthians 10:31 “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”

Discussion Time

How did you do on the guy friend filter? What changes do you need to make to your friendships?

In what ways do you struggle to be “just friends” with guys?

Challenge: Apply the guy friend filter to at least 3 of your guy friends. Then, make the changes you need to in order to keep your friendships God-focused and uplifting.